Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Is iFlurtz worth your money?

How are you feeling 2day?  Are you feeling :)?  How about :-O?  I personally am feeling :-@, which means angry, for those of you who aren’t as “with it” as iFluRtz.

Recently, the school participated in the iFluRtz (note the hip spelling) match quiz, specifically designed to connect with us sensitive, impressionable teens, to help us find that perfect someone (since everyone knows that a 10th grade romance is forever). Being the “sk8er punk” that I am, I really appreciated this help, seeing as I’m a lost soul who craves guidance and attention. The people from iFluRtz are experts at connecting with today’s youth, using hip Internet lingo and fancy abbreviations and acronyms. They’ve decided that normal, boring adjectives, like “tall” or “short” are “so out,” and instead substitute them with fun alternatives, like “a telephone pole,” or “vertically challenged.”  They are also incredibly familiar with our “out there” teenage lifestyle and irrational thought process. To put it simply, they appreciate our individuality. For example, iFluRtz likes to compare us to popular television shows, such as “Survivor,” or “American Idol.” You know, the type that us crazy youngsters watch. They also realize that we want our “threadz” to reflect our attitude. If you want to wear “gear” straight out of a rap video, and walk around with your tape player turned up, then go ahead. In fact, to show additional support for you and your individuality, they’ll even scope out potential BFF’s that have a similar outlook on life. And, guess what? Even if you’re “fresh outta dough,” you can still afford your iFluRtz results, at a meager $2 a piece.

For those of you who will pay $2 for your results, you’re in for a real treat. It will pair you with people of the opposite gender in case you’re looking for “luv.” It will also pair you with people of the same gender, so you can make the perfect friends to “LOL” with. As if that weren’t enough, iFluRtz even goes the extra mile and pairs you with a celebrity that they have deemed compatible for you. What an excellent ice-breaker if I ever meet one of my “fave celebs.”

What’s sad is, some of you care enough to actually cough up the cash for these ridiculous results. But, will I be buying my own when they arrive? N to the O–no.
So hey, is iFluRtz worth your trouble? You be the judge.

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